absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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