i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
