i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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