This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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