its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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