When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
