My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
