what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Drunk is a universal language darling
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
