if you like me you must not know who I am
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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