I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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