I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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