So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My penis needs a shock collar
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
