You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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