I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
