I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
