Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
