just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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