And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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