I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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