I skipped work to stalk him.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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