Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
