I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
