All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
