i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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