yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
