You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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