We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
literally had 100 drinks last night.
smell my finger.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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