do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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