I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
