i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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