"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
