I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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