So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
