K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
