how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
