talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
