I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
