Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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