Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
