Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
