Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
