2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
