I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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