Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
