I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
