I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
