one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
