JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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