i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
