I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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